Mother's Day, or Can I Go Back To Bed Now?

So, yesterday was Mother's Day here in Canada. By the end of the day, I was asking for a do-over.

Why?

Well, let's start with my expectations:

- I expect that I can go to the bathroom without an audience
- I expect that my children will wish me Happy Mother's Day without my dragging it out of them
- I expect that the children will do something thoughtful/nice for me
- I expect that there will be minimal squabbling amongst my children
- I expect that I will not have to do the usual housework that I do every other day


That's pretty much it. This year, Mother's Day falls right *before* payday, so we knew in advance that we would be doing any gift-giving the following weekend. I'm okay with that, and I really don't need much in the way of gifts or cards. I really like handmade things, and gifts of time. In fact, this year, I specifically asked to not get cards, but rather, that we start a new tradition. This would involve getting a hardcover journal and having Hubby and the hobbitses write, draw, scrapbook or what have you on the pages of it. To me, this is better, because it gives me something to keep for years that won't get lost or relegated to the recycling bin after a few days. And that costs money, so I know that waits for a bit.

There's also the birthday thing.



Our niece turned 5 in March. Her other grandmother is from a culture that, from my understanding, places a lot of importance on small childrens' birthday celebrations, and as a result, her first birthday was a big thing with some 30 people in attendance and a huge feast (which was delicious). The same thing was done last year, but the date kept getting moved, as the venue the grandmother wanted for it wasn't available. I think it was celebrated in May or June, actually. In both cases, aside from the gift opening and singing happy birthday, the main focus of the day seemed to be the adults from this particular cultural group socializing with each other and not on the birthday girl herself. Not being a member of this particular ethnic background, I felt rather out of place and superfluous to the events of the day. It ended up feeling to me like her birthday was a convenient excuse to get together, and not the purpose for the gathering at all. This year, the grandmother again took charge of the birthday, and once again, the party has been pushed back to a time more convenient for her, and for the desired venue. The date set was Sunday, May 11th. Mother's Day. This is also three days after Tertius' 5th birthday, and three days before my mother-in-love's birthday. Normally, we would celebrate these family birthdays together on the Sunday. This past Sunday. Are you beginning to see it?


So, the day dawned with the knowledge that this was not a regular Mother's Day. Add to this that Primus was on weekend visitation with BD, so I was missing one hobbit to begin with (he was getting dropped off in the early afternoon). Our plan was to attend church, finish up the handmade cards for my mother and our niece, visit with my parents and then head off to the birthday party out of town.

Here's what my Mother's Day actually looked like:

- I began the day by having Quarta and our cat, Schrödinger, watch me while I peed. I didn't even get applause or anything.
- Hubby was sick, and we were back and forth on even going to church until Tertius had a meltdown because not going meant missing out on his first Sunday in the "big kids" Sunday school class. We went.
- Quarta initially refused to go to her Sunday School class, and finally consented, then was escorted back up to the sanctuary in tears because Tertius wasn't there with her. Hubby had to return her both times.
- Secunda was AWOL after the service, so I had to go hunting for her. She (and the rest of her class) were still playing dodgeball in their classroom.
- We ate lunch and got the cards made, which took longer than anticipated, but we're happy with the results. There was a constant stream of arguing, whining and bickering emanating from Tertius and Quarta's bedroom.
- Arrived at my parents' house for a visit, and to give Mumzie her gift. Primus got dropped off there, and we had a brief visit with BD, NewWife, and her two daughters. Went well. Since we had gotten there a little late, we also left for the party a little late. Took FOREVER to get the hobbitses out to the vehicle
- Drove for half an hour out of town, where traffic came to a screeching halt. We were between highway exits, so we just had to chug along and tune into the traffic station to find out what was going on. Turns out they were reporting a "serious accident" and had actually closed the highway two exits up; traffic was being diverted back into town at the exit right ahead of us.
- Drove back home, stopping at the grocery store to pick up an impromptu dinner, as our anticipated birthday feast was no longer an option.
- Set things up for a Family Movie Night, where we eat in the living room rather than the dining room, and watch a movie together. Tertius had requested Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade; Primus disappeared downstairs after dinner to work on Lego, Secunda and Quarta floated in and out of the room, and Tertius lost interest after a while.
- Throughout the day, Hubby and I had a number of discussions, some of them less than happy.
- I started feeling sick around 10 PM.
- We had to re-direct Tertius and Quarta back to bed what felt like umpteen times.

So, as you can see, not exactly a day for the record books.
 
So what's the big deal, anyway? In order to better understand it, I thought it best to do some research. A cursory Google search yielded this explanation from Wikipedia. But days honouring mothers are found in many cultures, and have been in place for many, many years. Mothering Sunday, for example, is a 16th century tradition to return to one's "mother church". Other countries have days honouring the Virgin Mary, and many communist and post-communist countries celebrate International Women's Day. Going back even further in time, Greeks had the cult to Cybele, and Romans celebrated the festival of Hilaria.

So, Mother's Day as we celebrate it in North America is very much a 20th-century invention. We can thank Miss Anna Jarvis for loving her mother so very much that she wished to see her wish to fruition, especially so after the elder Jarvis' death in 1905. And it is due to her tenacity that it was proclaimed it a day of observance in 1914 by then-president Woodrow Wilson.

That said, the website mothersdaycelebration.com has this to say: "It is unfortunate to note that Ms Anna Jarvis, who devoted her life for the declaration of Mothers Day holiday was deeply hurt to note the huge commercialisation of the day.


Why do we celebrate it the way we do? Obviously, what we in North American do goes far beyond the spirit of the day as envisioned by Ms. Jarvis, and each jewelry store ad must make the poor dear just spin in her grave. Have we been brainwashed by media depictions of lavish expenditures delighting the fake mothers they parade in front of us? Why do we fall for it? Are we really that petty and greedy? And even if we don't rationally expect that tennis bracelet or infinity pendant or whatever over-priced item is being flogged this year, does that influence our expectations nonetheless? Can we adequately encapsulate our gratitude for our mothers in a single day, and should we?

What do you think? Chime in with your thoughts in the comments section!