Pain, Pain, Go Away...

...DON'T come back another day!

I was rather unceremoniously woken from what I thought was a restful sleep at 5:30 this morning, a good two hours before my usual weekday wake-up time. My jaw felt like I'd been on the losing end of a prize fight; jaw throbbing, ear aching, and every tooth on the left half of my face hurting like they'd all had fillings and the freezing had now come out.

So now I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what's got me so stressed out to pull me from my warm bed and cuddly husband. Or rather, what - other than the extraordinary amount of stress I've been under since late August - is troubling me so much more as to cause it.

What stress? Well, I'd rather not get into the details on here, but suffice it to say, it involves family behaving in a way that family ought not to. There's entirely too much disrespect going on and I've stood my ground and said no more.

I'm working on something that should alleviate some of this, at least for me and mine, and I think that's what's got me up before the sun in such pain. I just need to power through it. So, that's my goal today: just get it done. Then I can put the burden down and let what's going to happen, happen.

Praying for peace and resolution right now.

A Real Pain In The Neck

Since the beginning of October, I've been dealing with increasingly painful sensations in my TMJ and left ear. Now, I *did* have a raging ear infection, which hit peak pain levels around October 14/15, but even after that was cleared up, I was still having significant pain. I went back to the doctor, who told me it was my old TMJ injury flaring up again, and to go see a dentist. I know from experience that this injury is exacerbated by stress, and I am going through what I can safely say is the most stress I've experienced since a very difficult break-up 6 years ago, so this should not come as a surprise to me. But I know that a trip to the dentist will entail an exam and x-rays, which aren't cheap. So I opted for my chiropractor instead. Turns out in addition to the teeth clenching problem, my neck was horrendously out of place, which was also making the jaw worse. So, $55 and about a dozen cracks later, my neck was feeling much better, as was my jaw. They wanted me to come back on Monday, but with them not accepting extended medical plans there (I'd have to submit receipts and wait for reimbursement, rather than everywhere else, who just has us pay our portion), I can't afford them. And so, my American friends, even with universal health care, there are still things that can be improved upon.

Mainly, I need to reduce or remove the stressors. I'm working on that.

Personal Rant on Social Empathy/Responsibility in Children

My local radio station posted a link to a news story today. In it, it was reported that a school in a neighboring district had instituted a blanket “no touching” policy for their Kindergarten classes, which includes such things as holding hands, play fighting and tag. This ban on physical play was as a result of several minor injuries that occurred during recess.

From reading the article (http://www.starfm.com/2013/11/05/aldergrove-school-bans-physical-play-for-kindergarteners/), this ban is clearly intended as a temporary measure in order to teach appropriate play skills to the Kindergarten students. For those laying the blame at the feet of the teachers/school, that is misdirected and narrow. Most of these incidents occur during recess and lunch, when teachers are on their contractually mandated breaks. Therefore, they are not the responsible adults present at those times. Supervision during those times usually falls to a single teacher (most often on a rotation system, so that each teacher takes a shift), EAs and noon hour supervisors hired specifically for coverage during break times. They are woefully under-staffed, often with a ratio of 1:100 or so. What this means is that there is no way for them to see and address everything. It is also incumbent upon the students to bring these incidents to the attention of the supervising adults (which doesn't often happen at my kids' school). As a result, they go home, tell their parents, and the parents then go and lambaste the school for not dealing with it. They can't deal with what they don't know about.

The solution has many parts. First, children need to learn appropriate play skills through practical application. Quite simply, let them learn through play. Let them have their small disputes and scuffles and learn to get along with others, and to behave themselves. Second, they need to learn social and personal responsibility at home. We, as parents, have to stop coddling our children and allowing them to think that they're special little snowflakes. This pervasive, over-blown sense of entitlement does nothing to create an environment of cooperation and empathy; instead, we are breeding a generation of little sociopaths that have an “if it feels good for me, do it” attitude that will only serve to further damage interpersonal relationships throughout their life. By failing to teach our children empathy and consideration for others, we are making our – and the teachers' - jobs that much harder. Third, the government needs to step up to the plate and put their money where their platform is. They say they care about our children and their education, but at every opportunity, they cut funding, demanding that schools to do more with less. Funding needs to increase for supervision – at least as a short term goal – until the first two solutions I've outlined are fully realised.

The “bubble-wrapping” of our children needs to stop. When did allowing your children to learn life's lessons the hard way become unacceptable? As a parent, I do wish to shield my children from the bad in the world; I don't know a parent who doesn't. But I'm also a realist; protecting them from everything does nothing to prepare them for life as a contributing member of society. Failing to adequately prepare them for adulthood creates a culture of adults who don't accept responsibility for their actions, who expect someone to come behind them and clean up their messes, and cultivates sociopathy on a large scale.

We are the parents. When we made the choice to have children, we accepted the responsibility for raising them to be upstanding, caring, responsible adults. Certainly, while children are school age, some of that instruction falls to their teachers, but the foundation should already have been laid by us. Foisting that job entirely on teachers does teachers and your children a huge disservice.

Do my kids sometimes get hurt while playing Star Wars or Doctor Who or any other game they devise? Yes. Do I find out what happened, and make them apologize to one another, even if it's an accident? You bet. Some may say that I'm a strict mother; my children are expected to say please, thank you, you're welcome and excuse me, and to treat others with kindness and respect – and they're called on it when they don't. The adage in our house is, “It's always right to use your manners”. And as a result, I am routinely told how well-mannered my children are, even by people that don't consider themselves “child-friendly”. Do I get it wrong sometimes? Yes. But I apologize to my children when I do, because I feel it's important for them to see that adults are also fallible, and should be held to the same standard we apply to them.