Right in the Feels

Not sure if it was the sentimental tone of Call the Midwife tonight, or that I'm traversing the last week of BC pills this cycle, or that when my hand slid down the month of June on my new calendar as I wrote in peoples' birthdays, that it rested for a moment on June 29th, my Bumma's (grandma) birthday and I remembered that it's coming up to 10 years since I needed to write it down; for whatever reason, I'm feeling very emotional tonight, and I can't quite put my finger on it. And I'm sitting here, swiping absently at the errant tears slipping down my cheeks as I try to see straight enough to write this. And then the oddest thought pops into my head - that if my high school English teacher were to read this, she'd have to fight hard not to chastise me for my atrocious syntax.

I think that it might be my mind's way of steering me away from feeling all the feels, and gently guiding me back to a more comfortable place, the place where a wry smile, a shrug of the shoulders and a little laugh, along with a cup of tea make whatever weighs on me just that little bit easier to shoulder.

I don't know why it is that I'm trying to hold this in check, to keep the quaver out of my voice when talking to Rick so he doesn't spend the next 20 minutes trying to coax what's wrong out of me, because I don't think I need long hugs, or to wallow, or anything like that. I honestly don't know why I feel sad tonight, and that's okay.

Looking forward to a brighter day tomorrow.