Fighting Despair

We are fully in support of the teachers in the current labour dispute and government lockout. And we are going broke to do it.

And I'm sure we're not the only ones.

We were lucky; because Hubby had the foresight to sign up for payroll savings, 12% of his paycheques from Sept to June were banked, to be paid out over the summer months. Thank God for that. Even so, with no paycheque at the end of June, I had to get creative to keep us from going broke then - literally.

I have a unique skill set. Our family plays in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), a not-for-profit society devoted to the research and re-creation of the Middle Ages. As such, I have developed the cross stitch I learned from my mother into pretty competent blackwork embroidery

I've also learned how to do tablet weaving, to make trim for Hubby's 10th century Norse persona.

Other people seem to want to buy my work.

I've made just over $500 selling trim, and it has gone either directly to the grocery store to feed us, or to the dairy for milk, or into our gas tank, or into our savings account, trying to set enough aside to keep a roof over our heads in October. I feel like I can't weave fast enough, because we're running out of time, and money.

And that strikes fear in my heart.

The hobbitses can see the strain Hubby and I are under, and I know that it's affecting them, too. Not being able to attend school is taking its toll. So I've developed some study units for them, and will try to implement them while trying to weave as long as my tendonitis will allow. Primus has been experiencing some insomnia this past week, and I know it's due to stress. I just wish I could make it better for him, but he was already given to feeling anxious about starting middle school; now we have to throw the uncertainty of an unknown start date and no orientation into the mix. Secunda is mostly just wanting to find out who her teacher will be - Ms C or Ms H - and is digging in to the material I've worked up for her. Tertius asks almost daily when he will be able to start Kindergarten; he seems to take the delay in stride, but I know he'd rather be at school. Quarta seems to be least affected by it, and I started her on printing practice and letter recognition today.

And it appears that my colitis has resurfaced.

The roiling, gurgling and excruciating pain assault me at night. I stay awake, hoping one more trip to the bathroom will settle it, and then I tell Hubby that I have insomnia instead of telling him that my guts are trying to turn themselves inside out so that he won't worry.

We have been fortunate in that we have received amazing support from people. Our church family gave us a gift card that has fed us when nothing else could. Our union local had a $50 grocery card to hand out to us. Friends have dropped by with vegetables and fruit, pasta and sauce, tea and sympathy, and one friend from over 8 hours' drive away is express-posting a grocery card as I write this. Other teachers in better financial situations have gifted us with money, and opportunities to work for money. All of this is appreciated more than I could adequately express. But I still don't know how I'll keep the power and heat on, how I'll keep the phones or internet running; how I'll keep the water flowing.

I am beginning to despair, and I am looking for something to hold onto.