Approach-Avoidance Conflict

I haz it.

Most often in relation to crafts. When I start a project, I'll go gangbusters on it for a time, get past the halfway mark, or indeed, have the finish line in my sights, then my productivity on it grinds to a screeching halt. It then languishes in the bottom of my craft pile for days, months, sometimes even years, and I've been working on figuring out why (mostly so I can learn how to not do it anymore).

Take my current project. I'm embroidering a panel for a friend's cloak, a gift for his elevation to the Order of the Laurel in the SCA (Laurels are people who have been recognised for outstanding achievement in the arts & sciences; SCA stands for Society for Creative Anachronism, the mediaeval group I play in). His elevation is in three weeks, and I have to have the panel back in Seattle by July 6th. It has sat, mostly complete for well over a week while I spent that time trying to figure out if I possessed the artistic skill to freehand draw three triskeles on the design to embellish it further. When I finally sat down to do it, it too me all of 10 minutes to draw and baste the lines onto the fabric. I don't know why I doubted myself.

I think I understand the main reason I procrastinate on completing projects. I am a process junkie; for me, the joy is in the doing, not the finishing. With every thing I make, I pour myself into it, the very best of myself, to give the recipient a tangible reminder of my esteem for them. In the case of largesse items I make, it is the esteem with which I hold my branch, principality or kingdom that can be seen in every stitch, every brush stroke, every scratch of ink and every length of trim. And I learn to love what I work on. They become a part of me, and sometimes, that's hard to let go of; but I think I've figured out a way to beat the end-of-project blahs.

I've started choosing projects that have concrete deadlines, such as my current project. Yes, that needs to get done this week. And then I can return to my blackwork needle books, which have no deadline and will get done when they are darn good and ready. I think that if I can learn to strike a healthy balance between deadline items and non-deadline items, I can get more accomplished *and* feel better about laying down one item to spend an hour or two on another, so long as everything gets done.

Here's to balance.