Personal Rant on Social Empathy/Responsibility in Children

My local radio station posted a link to a news story today. In it, it was reported that a school in a neighboring district had instituted a blanket “no touching” policy for their Kindergarten classes, which includes such things as holding hands, play fighting and tag. This ban on physical play was as a result of several minor injuries that occurred during recess.

From reading the article (http://www.starfm.com/2013/11/05/aldergrove-school-bans-physical-play-for-kindergarteners/), this ban is clearly intended as a temporary measure in order to teach appropriate play skills to the Kindergarten students. For those laying the blame at the feet of the teachers/school, that is misdirected and narrow. Most of these incidents occur during recess and lunch, when teachers are on their contractually mandated breaks. Therefore, they are not the responsible adults present at those times. Supervision during those times usually falls to a single teacher (most often on a rotation system, so that each teacher takes a shift), EAs and noon hour supervisors hired specifically for coverage during break times. They are woefully under-staffed, often with a ratio of 1:100 or so. What this means is that there is no way for them to see and address everything. It is also incumbent upon the students to bring these incidents to the attention of the supervising adults (which doesn't often happen at my kids' school). As a result, they go home, tell their parents, and the parents then go and lambaste the school for not dealing with it. They can't deal with what they don't know about.

The solution has many parts. First, children need to learn appropriate play skills through practical application. Quite simply, let them learn through play. Let them have their small disputes and scuffles and learn to get along with others, and to behave themselves. Second, they need to learn social and personal responsibility at home. We, as parents, have to stop coddling our children and allowing them to think that they're special little snowflakes. This pervasive, over-blown sense of entitlement does nothing to create an environment of cooperation and empathy; instead, we are breeding a generation of little sociopaths that have an “if it feels good for me, do it” attitude that will only serve to further damage interpersonal relationships throughout their life. By failing to teach our children empathy and consideration for others, we are making our – and the teachers' - jobs that much harder. Third, the government needs to step up to the plate and put their money where their platform is. They say they care about our children and their education, but at every opportunity, they cut funding, demanding that schools to do more with less. Funding needs to increase for supervision – at least as a short term goal – until the first two solutions I've outlined are fully realised.

The “bubble-wrapping” of our children needs to stop. When did allowing your children to learn life's lessons the hard way become unacceptable? As a parent, I do wish to shield my children from the bad in the world; I don't know a parent who doesn't. But I'm also a realist; protecting them from everything does nothing to prepare them for life as a contributing member of society. Failing to adequately prepare them for adulthood creates a culture of adults who don't accept responsibility for their actions, who expect someone to come behind them and clean up their messes, and cultivates sociopathy on a large scale.

We are the parents. When we made the choice to have children, we accepted the responsibility for raising them to be upstanding, caring, responsible adults. Certainly, while children are school age, some of that instruction falls to their teachers, but the foundation should already have been laid by us. Foisting that job entirely on teachers does teachers and your children a huge disservice.

Do my kids sometimes get hurt while playing Star Wars or Doctor Who or any other game they devise? Yes. Do I find out what happened, and make them apologize to one another, even if it's an accident? You bet. Some may say that I'm a strict mother; my children are expected to say please, thank you, you're welcome and excuse me, and to treat others with kindness and respect – and they're called on it when they don't. The adage in our house is, “It's always right to use your manners”. And as a result, I am routinely told how well-mannered my children are, even by people that don't consider themselves “child-friendly”. Do I get it wrong sometimes? Yes. But I apologize to my children when I do, because I feel it's important for them to see that adults are also fallible, and should be held to the same standard we apply to them.